It does not have to be Forever,
One Step upon the Sky’s soft skirt
Would be enough.
Stuck to my freezer by a souvenir magnet at eye level, this short quote serves as a reminder to do two things: to have the audacity to step up and claim the unfettered awareness that is my birthright, and to relax. Ultimately, these are both the same thing. What a relief it is to know that “it does not have to be Forever,” just “Right Now.” Ultimately, these are both the same thing. How easy it is to forget that Forever refers not to the infinite future, but to the boundless present.
It is also easy to forget that what is most helpful to for me to ask of myself is not a definitive and permanent shift in consciousness, but rather the capacity to appreciate those moments in which the filter of my perceptions, of my prejudices, fears, doubts, and insecurities, falls away for whatever reason and however briefly. It does not have to be Forever, and, more importantly, it can not be Forever. Such moments show up in the linear narrative of my life as points of reference, as proof positive that the thing which I seek is both real and attainable.
One such point of reference came into my experience several years ago as I sat a weekend retreat at Cambridge Zen Center. Meals there are taken in the Dharma Room in formal Korean temple style. At the end of the meal, retreatants rinse their bowl with tea, then drink the tea to leave a clean, empty bowl. As I drank my bowl of tea, I saw the light of a paper lantern reflected on the surface of the liquid as a car passed by on the street outside. In that instant, something fell away. Somehow, there was no separation between the taste of the tea, the sight of the lantern, and the sound of the car. Nothing existed outside of that moment, yet in contained the entire universe. It was as if I’d been walking along a precipice holding on to the railing of who I thought I was, only to let go of the railing and fall fearlessly over the edge. Two seconds… three, maybe?… until I thought, “wow, this is cool!”… and that insidious shadow of the belief that I am Someone having an Experience was tantamount to grabbing hold of that railing and hoisting myself back to the “safety” of my conditional existence as an individual, separate self. Thinking creates duality, or, as Zen Master Seung Sahn put it, “When my thinking stops and your thinking stops, our minds are the same.”
What is instructive about that meditative experience is that it happened when I wasn’t looking, so to speak, when I wasn’t trying to make anything happen. My practice consists of nothing more or less than creating conditions that allow those moments of purer awareness to occur, conditions that bring the “Sky’s soft skirt” within reach of “One Step…”